The truth is that I have been dealing with anxiety for as long as I remember.
My anxiety has cost me opportunities, friendships, jobs and even my self esteem.
The first time that I realized that I had anxiety, I was 11 years old. I was having persistent chest pains. So my mom decided to take me to the doctor where I had an echocardiogram. The doctor concluded that my heart was perfectly normal and that stress was the cause of my chest pains.
For as long as I can remember, school has been a great source of anxiety, I never felt that I fit in. I was awkward, I didn’t wear the “right clothes”, I was shy and I just wasn’t like the other kids. I got bullied for multiple reasons and that just made me hate school even more. And to this day, my mind still replays all those times that I felt humiliated or embarrassed in school. Every time that I was laughed at or got the answer wrong or even the times that I had to read out loud in class. These all swirl around in my mind, wishing that somehow the past had been different.
Fast forward to my adult life, I am in my 40s and I still struggle with anxiety (and depression).
The truth is, my anxiety has cost me a lot. It caused me to compare myself to other women, other bloggers, friends, strangers…whoever. I’ve avoided situations, social gatherings, hid away from responsibilities and even life in general.
The truth is, I’ve spent over 30 years struggling with this issue and I don’t want anybody else to go through this mental anguish. I’ve tried lots of medications, different forms of therapy, meditation, yoga etc…but it’s always there lurking around the corner to leave me feeling like a wreck again.
But I won’t give up on myself.
The truth is, there is help available. So I am going to therapy again to try and work thought some of these emotions. If you too are struggling, you are not alone. We can get through this together. Mental Health is just as important as our physical health. So please reach out to a family member, a friend or an organization to help you.
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)